A Time Traveling Crack Story
by Death.X.By.X.Chocolate
Summary: Beetee invents a time machine as he takes some people back in time to see their past selves, the life they lived before. Things get out of hand as they expected the unexpected, Johanna the first woman actress? Haymitch the man who banned alcohol? What!
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to the middle ages

**I think i was having another one of my sugar rushes but this time its about something other than dressing lie a nerd.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hunger Games.**

**Summary: Beetee invents a time machine as he takes some people back in time to see their past selfs, the life they lived before. Things get out of hand as they expected to unexpected, Johanna the first woman actress and Haymitch a man who banned alcohol? A true crack story.**

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><p>Part One: Into the Past<p>

Chapter One: Welcome to the middle ages.

Beetee smiled as he waited for the moment of truth "I would like to welcome you al–"his voice was cut off by a stern yell, Johanna had groaned and cut him off.

"Oh hurry up so we can get it over with" What she really meant was: Why are we all here when we could be drinking or sleeping the day away, the scowl on her face certainly matched it. A flow of heads among the small gathering nodded as they all wondered the same thing.

Katniss smiled and waited with patiently for Beetee to explain why he had called them all here "The reason I have gathered you all here is because while I was scanning some old Panem history books" he trailed off as Johanna and Haymitch groaned loudly, Beetee ignored them as he picked up where he stopped "I found out that some of us are actually reincarnation of some past heroes" a smiled was on his face, some heads perked up as they heard the last sentence.

Johanna cocked her head and asked "Your point is?" she spoke flatly as she took a sip of some wine.

"Don't you want to know who you were in you last life?" Beetee smiled as he showed them his latest invention "A time machine, this allows us to learn about who we were before you were reborn to who you are today" Peeta turned to look at his wife, her eyes anxious to go back to the days when her father and Prim were still alive. Katniss didn't care about looking at her past life she only wanted to see the people she loved once again, Peeta turned to look around the room.

It was as if a shadow of memories had been cast over their heads, Johanna was silent and probably remembering her family and Blight, her district partner before he died in the Quarter Quell. Haymitch was slowly sipping his wine; he lost everything, his family and his girlfriend, Maysilee. Annie was clutching onto her 4 year old son, Finn as she shivered remembering the past and war that took away her husband's life. Even Beetee just stood remembering Wiress, the only person who understood him and he understood her back, Gale stood there silence around him as he remembered his father.

"What are we waiting for then?" Johanna perked up as she stood up and polished the last of her wine "Let's go but you have to promise one thing" her finger practically poked Beetee's nose.

Beetee backed up a bit only to have the finger stalk along and follow "What would that be?" he asked.

Johanna stated her request "We can use it anytime we want".

"Of course" Beetee smiled as he turned on the machine "Too the past, to when Panem was in the middle ages with knights and band– "Johanna cut him off as she pushed Beetee through the metal framed machine with a strange swirling pattern.

Annie turned to her son "Be a good boy" she left Finn in the hands of Mrs. Everdeen before walking through the portal herself.

-HG-

The smell of pigs and filthy villagers scented the place as the group of people landed behind the bushes.

"Jeez it reeks here" Johanna yelled as she stood up straight "Don't they ever take a bath?" she protested as Beetee joined her and looked around.

Katniss helped Peeta up as Annie stood by Beetee and pointed to a familiar looking man "That guy looks like Haymitch" at the sound of his name, the drunk mentor perked right up "He seems… not drunk" the dark haired girl noted as Johanna began guffawing on the ground.

"Haymitch a non-alcoholic" Johanna clutched her stomach and curls into a ball before yelping "What kind of job does he do then?" she wiped a tear as Haymitch scowled.

Beetee scanned through his books before stopping "Henry Albert was a pure man, according to this" Beetee's thin finger followed the line "He was the first to sign a petition that stated that alcohol is banned" Haymitch passed out as Johanna tumbled over once more and resumed laughing her head off "He had never once drank and he was always raging on and on about how alcohol can kill you" Haymitch stood up furious as he stomped over to Henry, himself from his past life.

"You, alcohol is good" Henry wore a simple church robe as he was cleanly shaved and young, his eyes turned to look disgusted at the bottle Haymitch was poking into his face "Drink some" Haymitch opened him the bottle but Henry simply flung the bottle away.

Henry looked up to the sun and sang in a singing tone "Nobody should drink" It was as if the sun had put a spotlight on Henry and people gathered and cheered, Haymitch looked outraged and stomped back to the group.

"That is not me" he protests as Beetee had written his name next to Henry's portrait "Where's Johanna?" He smirks as Johanna scowls.

At that very moment a woman with flowing hair came out chasing after a knight.

"Please don't leave me Fredrick" the woman was Johanna, Haymitch fell over and laughed as Johanna passed out "Please, don't leave me" Johanna's double began crying as she clung onto the arm of a bronzed hair knight, Annie swallowed hard as the Knight known as Fredrick turned. His face resembled only one person they all knew, that knight was Finnick Odair's past life.

Beetee turned to the next page "Johanna was Jules Mallory" he continued reading as Annie sank onto the ground, Katniss held her as she slowly placed her down. The shock of seeing Finnick was painful. "Jules was the first woman to act and be a performer" Haymitch guffawed.

"More please" Haymitch begged for entertainment.

Beetee turned the page "It seems Fredrick Oliver was a Knight to Prince Peter" he turned the page to reveal a portrait of Prince Peter, a dashing blonde male with blue eyes, Peeta "And he was forced to marry Knight Kelsey Eli" Katniss's face appeared in to next page, Annie bit her lip as she sobbed silently but Beetee continued speaking "However the marriage was broken as affairs took place when they were traveling to another land".

"What are we waiting for then" Haymitch got up as Johanna stood up "Let's go see the people who caused these affairs" Beetee nodded as he brought out a button that he had first used to function the machine as they all disappeared to another part of Panem.

-HG-

Johanna didn't say a word as they landed, she only hoped Annie forgave her "Sorry" she whispered as the dark haired girl nodded not meeting her gaze at all.

"Welcome to the land belonging to the Utopia family" Beete announced aloud.

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><p><strong>Well that's part one, i hope you don't mind but this story isn't going to be long. REVIEW PLEASE!<br>**


	2. Chapter 2:Things get weirder and weirder

**Disclaimer: I do not own the hunger games.**

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><p><span>Chapter two: Things just get weirder<span>

Horns were sounded as a carriage rode out of blue, its blue walls and golden wheels indicated royalty, and this carriage contained the royal family.

Johanna smirked as she suggested "Anybody wants to mug them?" Haymitch put his hand up high, Beetee shook his head in disbelief, it was ridiculous to even think about mugging people even after all that has happened to them.

"We announce your next Queen, Princess Melanie Utopia" A blonde girl with sparkling sapphire eyes walked out" Katniss gasped, Gale's face went pale and Peeta just gulped loudly, Princess Melanie was none other than their deceased friend, Madge Undersee, the girl that gave Katniss her mockingjay token that soon became a symbol of peace and the rebellion.

Katniss felt the urge to just run out to her and hug her ever so tightly but Peeta kept a firm grip on her "Don't change history Katniss" he whispered as a tear fell to the ground. She missed Madge dearly.

"By this time soon, our land will have a very important visitor" The knight announcing unveiled his face, the group of time travelers gasped, his strike hair and face resembled one of them, that knight was Gale Hawthorne "Prince Peter is coming" he wrapped the scroll back together.

Gale passed out as he stood motionless on the ground, Johanna went to mug some people for money with Haymitch will Katniss and Peeta had a hard time pulling Gale along with them. Annie followed silently as Beetee looked through his book once more "Gail Hervior is part of the royal family as he is also a noble and a knight, it is told here in this book that his ranking is evenly matched with the Head Priestess of Utopia or more known by other knights and nobles as Knight Crimson" Beetee wrote Gale's name down by the portrait.

Johanna and Haymitch returned as their hands were filled with bags of gold coins and wine or liquor "This place is a drunk heaven" they sang together before opening a bottle and drinking "Ahhh…" they both trailed off.

"Do we follow them?" Annie spoke up as she pointed at the royal carriage slowly getting further and further, Beetee's head shot up as he nodded "What about them?" the sea green eyed girl pointed to a passed out Johanna and Haymitch by the tree with 6 empty bottles "…" Katniss and Peeta's hands were full as they heaved Gale with them.

Beetee lead the group, Gale soon came too as he helped carry Haymitch while the others handled Johanna "Do hear that?" sounds of swords clashing were heard as they went into the royal training yard "Let us disguise ourselves" Beetee pressed another random button, their clothes changed soon as they walked without problems through the royal gate.

-HG-

Knight Gail Hervior stood as he clashed his sword with another Knight.

"Work on your back hand Gail" a feminine voice spoke as a woman that was slightly younger than Gail attacked him with a gold sword, she had dark brown hair like most people but her eyes were the most capturing feature about her, her eyes were green like the sea. Annie gasped at her look alike, they looked almost identical, Gail blocked before charging "Too predictable Knight Hervior" Annie's past self motioned her sword upwards as she sent Gail's sword flying "Say your prayers".

As Annie's look alike pinned Gail to the ground baring a sword against his neck, Katniss and Gale gawped at Annie's look alike, Johanna and Haymitch were betting the money they stole, Peeta smirked amused that Gale's look alike lost, Beetee searched through his book and Annie just stood there cocking her head .

Beetee soon stopped flipping pages as he spoke "Anastasia Crimson is the only daughter of Head Priest Crimson and is a known legend for being one of the ten great Knights in Panem, the highest honor any Knight can achieve like Knight Hervior and Eli" He scribbled Annie's name down "She is also known for fighting with two blades instead of one" he indicated Anastasia's double sword.

"You there, what are you doing?" The group cocked their head only to see the stern face of Gail and a feisty Anastasia "Who do you work for?" he demanded, Johanna and Haymitch hid their liquor in a bush before joining the others.

Beetee coughed before speaking "We are the new servants Sir Hervior" he spoke politely as they all bowed.

"Alright then but you bett– "Gail was cut off as a screams and cheers were heard from outside the gate "Their here already?" Gail's voice sounded surprised but grouchy as well "Their early".

Anastasia looked calm as she walked away "I have to change now, we'll train once more tonight and Gail" she turned to her friend "Better tell Melanie before she gets married" Gail blushed and look away as Anastasia chuckled "You have to tell her sometime don't you" she spoke in a playful tone, Annie smiled as Peeta was snickering at the present Gale.

-HG-

Prince Peeta stepped out of his carriage.

Knight Fredrick and Eli were by his side as they all walked together "You're early Prince Peter" Gail stood there by the gate as he put his sword back, Fredrick and Kelsey were prepared to attack "Princess Melanie isn't ready yet" Johanna was enjoying this heated battle of words, Peeta and Gale glared at each other while Katniss was fascinated by the bow Kelsey gripped onto, it had a gold base. Annie eyed Fredrick before reducing to tears and sobbing quietly behind Haymitch who was sipping small sips of wine. "So go back to your little playhouse and come back again" Fredrick pointed his sword at Gail's neck.

"If you hurt him, you'll die" A golden blade was pressed against Fredrick's neck as Anastasia came out, she looked. Less Knight-like.

Johanna turned to Haymitch "9 gold coins saying that Annie's look alike kills dangerous" she was smirking.

"Make it 10 and you got a deal" he whispered back, the doors of the gate whipped open as Jules came running in "This is going to be good" Haymitch chuckled as Johanna's right eye twitch intensely, Jules tackled Fredrick as Anastasia walked away.

All of a sudden out of nowhere Henry popped up from behind the bush where Johanna and Haymitch had stashed their whine, he opened the bottles and tipped the liquid out "Nobody should every drink, as we all must live" a ray of sun light fell.

"NNNOOOOO!" Haymitch and Johanna screamed.

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><p><strong>I hoped you liked it :p<br>**


	3. Chapter 3: Scandal secrets reveal

**Disclaimer: I do not own HG.**

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><p><span>Chapter three: Scandal secrets reveal<span>

Haymitch and Johanna both looked mortified as Henry emptied out the last of their liquor before skipping happily away to his adoring fans as the halo light followed his every moment and step "He's dead" they both hissed before taking out weapons, Beetee shook his head before warning them not to change history "We don't give a care anymore, for our liquor!" they both raised their pitchforks high in the air before laughing evilly like maniacs, the entire group watched with grim faces, no surprise there.

Sighing Beetee looked away before speaking "And that is how Henry died, how unfortunate" Annie watched covering her mouth as Haymitch and Johanna crept up on Henry wearing sack hats as mask before pulling him to a random corner, Jules was sobbing dramatically.

"Oh, my dear knight Fredrick no longer loves me" Another ray of halo light shined onto her as Johanna's head poked out of the corner, her jaw dropping as she watched her look alike before Haymitch pulled her from her sack hat back into the corner to help him kill Henry, weeping Johanna's look alike walked away with the ray of light still upon her, the time traveling group practically stared with their eyes bulging out.

Beetee coughed before announcing "Henry is gone. The ray of light has chosen a new host." Jules weeping away as the ray of halo light from nowhere in the sky followed and followed.

Katniss shuddered before saying "Awkward, okay Beetee, what now?" she asked the elder genius.

"Well, we must attend to high court to watch the ceremony but then according to the book, Anastasia and Fredrick happen to be dueling right now but I gue–"Johanna's loud yell cut him off.

"We're back!" she sang happily as their clothes were damp with blood, Henry's blood.

Annie whispered softly "The poor soul".

Haymitch and Johanna didn't here as they both go their hands on more gold "Well, let's go watch Fredrick get his butt handed to him then" Annie let a small smile pass over her face, Beetee grunted again but most of the group did want to see this so they made their way to the courtyard where the duel took place.

-HG-

Upon arriving they spotted both Knight Eli and Hervior.

Keeping low cover they began moving in on the group, Fredrick was attacking as much as he could but whenever he did Anastasia easily stepped to the side before flicking at his nose without even baring her weapon as Fredrick swung his sword wildly at the dark haired girl it was only until she ducked did Anastasia bare her swords as she formed an X to trap Fredrick's sword as she kicked him hard in the stomach as Finnick's look alike feel to the ground cursing.

"Burn Fredrick" Johanna said as they sipped some newly bought liquor, how both Johanna and Haymitch got more the group did not want to know, Annie let out a small gasp as her look alike placed her sword against Fredrick's neck, Beetee took note on her fighting style.

Gale's look alike, Knight Hervior was chuckling as Anastasia walked off and dropped Fredrick's sword by his feet before walking away from him but Fredrick wasn't about to give up as he grabbed his sword and aimed it at Annie's look a like's head, Annie tried not to pass out but Anastasia turned around and caught the blade between her hands "The front approach is too predictable I'm afraid" dropping the sword and heading to the cathedral, Annie looked at her look alike fascinated by her bravery.

"Darn it!" Haymitch yelled as Johanna danced around with 10 gold coins in her hand.

"I love victory!" She smiled and waved around the money as the group of time travelers sighed, nothing unusual about that, they turned back to the court.

Gale's look alike smiled and told Knight Eli "And that is why Fredrick is not one of us Kelsey" Katniss's look alike sighed before replying Knight Hervior.

"And I'm engaged to him too Gail, he of all knights should know about Anastasia's style and too never challenge her but he was lucky she spared him, do you remember what happened to Cain?" They all looked at Beetee.

Beetee looked at the book and scanned before replying "Cassie Gold, from Annie's games" Annie looked scared to her wits remembering the district 2 girl that nearly took her head off.

"Such a pity as well, might as well confess to Prince Peter that you only became a knight to watch him and protect him" The group watched as Kelsey tired to attack and punch Gail in the nose but Gale's look alike successfully blocked her every move easily "Here comes your soon to be husband" Gail teased Kelsey. Gale and Katniss looked at each other before turning to Peeta who just shrugged at this whole situation.

Fredrick scratched his head "I may have underestimated her" he said sheepishly.

Gail and Kelsey shook their heads before scolding him "She is one of us, the power house ten you know" Kelsey told him as Finnick's look alike nodded, Annie smiled, she was remembering a childhood time they were together and playing around "Anastasia didn't even have to bare her weapon for not even two minutes and she intercepted every move easily, Fredrick…" Fredrick didn't seem to listen he was thinking about something "Do you like the head priestess of Utopia?" Gail choked hard at this.

"Why... No! Of course I don't" Fredrick said a little too fast, Annie closed her eyes and smiled as Johanna and Haymitch placed their hands on her shoulder, they were drunk but supportive to her. Kelsey and Gail eye's met as if they were talking in a secret thought language before grinning at the knight before them.

-HG-

Beetee managed to smuggle all of the group into the hall where Peeta and Madge's look a likes were getting their marriage blessings "How sweet" Gale snickered as Peeta and Katniss stomped hard on him foot, Johanna and Haymitch were busy stealing some random decorations while Annie and Beetee watched in silence.

"Melanie, I love you so assisting you as your protection to Prince Peter's lands while be your two most faithful knights" the doors opened as Gail and Anastasia walked out in poorer than usual clothes, but Gail still wore an armor and his medal of honor "May your marriage be peaceful" the king boomed.

Beetee leaned over to Annie "And this is where the sandal begins…"

-End of chapter three-

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><p><strong>Okay.. i know i haven't updated for awhile cause my brain was like... ummmmm trying to think but failing well so it took some time but here it is :)<br>**


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